Video: "Sing Verdi Very Loud" (Live) - Beethoven's Wig featuring Richard Perl
Labels: humor
posted by Jiru at
9:11 AM
July 15, 2013
Video: "La De Da Sonata" (Live) - Beethoven's Wig featuring Richard Perl
Labels: humor
posted by Jiru at
9:07 AM
June 18, 2013
January 17, 2012
December 23, 2011
November 25, 2011
New Library Rule
Last Tuesday, I had two kindergarten classes that came to the library.
Before I started the program, I asked students to remind all of us about library rules.
Student 1: 'Raise your hand to talk.'
Me: 'Good! Anyone else?'
Student 2: 'No running.'
Me: 'Excellent!'
Student 3: 'No smoking.'
Me: ....
Before I started the program, I asked students to remind all of us about library rules.
Student 1: 'Raise your hand to talk.'
Me: 'Good! Anyone else?'
Student 2: 'No running.'
Me: 'Excellent!'
Student 3: 'No smoking.'
Me: ....
posted by Jiru at
5:30 AM
August 28, 2011
Things that make you go hmmmm....
Xylophone Trash Bin
Eigenharp electronic musical instrument
Transparent Toaster & Toast Printer
 |
| Dim Sum USB Drive from this web site |
Eigenharp electronic musical instrument
Transparent Toaster & Toast Printer
Labels: humor
posted by Jiru at
4:29 PM
May 04, 2011
How to Plant Your Garden
Received from dear Sr.Brenda.
How To Plant Your Garden
First, you Come to the garden alone,
while the dew is still on the roses.
FOR THE GARDEN OF YOUR DAILY LIVING ,
PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS :
1. Peace of mind
2. Peace of heart
3. Peace of soul
PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:
1. Squash gossip
2. Squash indifference
3. Squash grumbling
4. Squash selfishness
PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE:
1. Lettuce be faithful
2. Lettuce be kind
3. Lettuce be patient
4. Lettuce really love one another
NO GARDEN IS WITHOUT TURNIPS:
1. Turnip for meetings
2. Turnip for service
3. Turnip to help one another
TO CONCLUDE OUR GARDEN WE MUST HAVE THYME:
1. Thyme for each other
2. Thyme for family
3. Thyme for friends
WATER FREELY WITH PATIENCE AND CULTIVATE WITH LOVE. THERE IS MUCH FRUIT IN YOUR GARDEN BECAUSE YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW. NOT BAD, HUH?!
l
How To Plant Your Garden
First, you Come to the garden alone,
while the dew is still on the roses.
FOR THE GARDEN OF YOUR DAILY LIVING ,
PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS :
1. Peace of mind
2. Peace of heart
3. Peace of soul
PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:
1. Squash gossip
2. Squash indifference
3. Squash grumbling
4. Squash selfishness
PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE:
1. Lettuce be faithful
2. Lettuce be kind
3. Lettuce be patient
4. Lettuce really love one another
NO GARDEN IS WITHOUT TURNIPS:
1. Turnip for meetings
2. Turnip for service
3. Turnip to help one another
TO CONCLUDE OUR GARDEN WE MUST HAVE THYME:
1. Thyme for each other
2. Thyme for family
3. Thyme for friends
WATER FREELY WITH PATIENCE AND CULTIVATE WITH LOVE. THERE IS MUCH FRUIT IN YOUR GARDEN BECAUSE YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW. NOT BAD, HUH?!
l
Labels: humor, Inspiring Tibits
posted by Jiru at
3:16 PM
May 03, 2011
Mom - Job Description
POSITION: Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Momma, Ma
JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
posted by Jiru at
7:48 PM
January 24, 2011
Funny quote that I heard last night
'Raising a child is like having a dog that knows how to speak.'
Labels: humor
posted by Jiru at
5:13 AM
October 07, 2010
August 24, 2010
So how do you know you’re a 21st century librarian? When…
- You have to remind kindergarteners to turn off their cell phones before the story starts.
- You know what an IP number is but not an ISBN number.
- You have a student who does a better job troubleshooting the circulation system than the district technician.
- Your students think both The Princess and the Frog and Meet the Robinsons were written by Walt Disney.
- You know more librarians in Texas than you do in your home state because of LM_Net, TL-Ning and SecondLife.
- The best way to remind a student about an overdue book through Facebook.
- You don’t talk in the teachers lounge about a project because it is not tied directly to a state test.
- When answering a reference question, you head to an Internet terminal.
- You’ve started dressing like your avatar.
- Kids look at you funny when you call it the “the card catalog.”
- You have 5th grade girls who sport more tats and metal studs than a biker gang.
- You have more polo shirts with computer logos than you do book logos - and 25% of your wardrobe comes from vendor booths at conferences.
- Your students show you how to get around the district Internet filter so you can teach a lesson.
- Your aid spends more time troubleshooting the network than reshelving books.
- You never see anyone copy out of the print encyclopedia anymore.
- Your index finger has a callous from tapping the SmartBoard.
- You didn’t get your last grad class assignment turned in on time because the network was down and you haven't attended a F2F class in years.
- You’ve Googled the new teachers in your building - and all the kids have Googled you.
- You don’t remember the last time you’ve had to alphabetize something.
- You have all your passwords and PIN numbers are on your PDA - and you can’t remember the password for your PDA!
Labels: humor
posted by Jiru at
3:59 AM
August 08, 2010
9 Of The Worst Library Books
Mary Kelly and Holly Hibner
Aug 3, 2010
Every library has them: titles in the collection that we stumble upon and think, "What is this doing here?" "Weeding" is where librarians take a close look at our collections and remove items that are past their prime. They are outdated, irrelevant, or just plain funny. AwfulLibraryBooks is a collection of the worst of library holdings. The authors collect the discards of their colleagues around the world and post them (anonymously, of course). The point is to have fun, laugh, and celebrate the time and place when these old, obscure books were popular.
If you'd like to re-live our moment as guests on the Jimmy Kimmel Live show in November 2009, go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxQvm2oLewU.
Submissions are always welcome. Send scanned book covers and any commentary you'd like to add to awfullibrarybooks@gmail.com.
1. The complete book of ethnic humor by Larry Wilde
2. Sex lives of animals without back bones by Haig H. Najarian
3. Hot lines: the letters I get... and write! by Burt Reynolds
4. Hawaii (Hello USA series) by Joyce Johnston
5. Makeup for fun by Parmentier Bulles
6. Beyond basic dog training by Diane L. Bauman
7. Canada: young giant of the North by Adelaide Leitch
8. Holidays and festivals: new year by Alan Blackwood
9. Man and the motor car by Center for Safety Education
Labels: humor
posted by Jiru at
6:25 AM
August 01, 2010
Never Argue with a Woman
Received from Sr. Sarah G. Thanks a bunch!
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book.
The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat..
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault, ' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
MORAL:
Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think.
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book.
The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat..
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault, ' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
MORAL:
Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think.
Labels: humor
posted by Jiru at
6:53 PM
July 29, 2010
Books, Bookstores and Libraries That Are Out to Get You
(Received link via American Libraries Direct)
Do you know that there is a certain sub-genre (sub-sub-genre?) of murder mysteries concerned with the world of authors, manuscripts, rare and deadly books - with the emphasis on deadly books?. Typically, they feature an indefatigable hero leaping around libraries in a race against time, unearthing cyphers, ancient manuscripts and clues hidden in old books.
Thrillers like this belong to a popular sub-genre called bibliomysteries, and as the name suggests, they all concern some sort of bookish skull-duggery.
Click here to see book covers of the following titles.
The Book With The Iron Clasps by Angus B. Reach in 1848
The Book of Death (The Sexton Blake Library series)
The Locked Book by Frank L. Packard
The Closed Book by William LeQueux
Murder of a Novelist by Sally Wood
The Murder of a Mystery Writer by John Hawk
Death Stops the Manuscript by Richard M. Baker
The Fatal Manuscript! (The Sexton Blake Library series)
The Title is Murder by Hugh L. Nelson
The Body on Page One by Delano Ames
Murder in a Library by Charles J. Dutton
Death Walks in Marble Halls by Lawrence G. Blochman
The Library of Death by Ronald S.L. Harding
Dewey Death by Charity Blackstock
Murder in the Bookshop by Carolyn Wells
The Bookshop Mystery by James Saxon Childers
A Book for Banning by Nat Easton
Forbidden Book by Anne Marsh
Murder-First Edition by Truman Garrett
The Gutenberg Murders by Gwen Bristow and Bruce Manning
Murders in Volume 2 by Elizabeth Daly
The Mystery of the Human Bookcase by William Morton
Death of a Bookseller by Bernard J. Farmer
Do you know that there is a certain sub-genre (sub-sub-genre?) of murder mysteries concerned with the world of authors, manuscripts, rare and deadly books - with the emphasis on deadly books?. Typically, they feature an indefatigable hero leaping around libraries in a race against time, unearthing cyphers, ancient manuscripts and clues hidden in old books.
Thrillers like this belong to a popular sub-genre called bibliomysteries, and as the name suggests, they all concern some sort of bookish skull-duggery.
Click here to see book covers of the following titles.
The Book With The Iron Clasps by Angus B. Reach in 1848
The Book of Death (The Sexton Blake Library series)
The Locked Book by Frank L. Packard
The Closed Book by William LeQueux
Murder of a Novelist by Sally Wood
The Murder of a Mystery Writer by John Hawk
Death Stops the Manuscript by Richard M. Baker
The Fatal Manuscript! (The Sexton Blake Library series)
The Title is Murder by Hugh L. Nelson
The Body on Page One by Delano Ames
Murder in a Library by Charles J. Dutton
Death Walks in Marble Halls by Lawrence G. Blochman
The Library of Death by Ronald S.L. Harding
Dewey Death by Charity Blackstock
Murder in the Bookshop by Carolyn Wells
The Bookshop Mystery by James Saxon Childers
A Book for Banning by Nat Easton
Forbidden Book by Anne Marsh
Murder-First Edition by Truman Garrett
The Gutenberg Murders by Gwen Bristow and Bruce Manning
Murders in Volume 2 by Elizabeth Daly
The Mystery of the Human Bookcase by William Morton
Death of a Bookseller by Bernard J. Farmer
Labels: humor
posted by Jiru at
8:09 AM
July 19, 2010
Video: Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner
Gotta love this duo. I love the road runner's determination to just keep on going like the Energizer bunny.
If you're on the highway and Road Runner goes beep beep.
Just step aside or might end up in a heap.
Road Runner, Road Runner runs on the road all day.
Even the coyote can't make him change his ways.
Road Runner, the coyote's after you.
Road Runner, if he catches you you're through.
Road Runner, the coyote's after you.
Road Runner, if he catches you you're through.
That coyote is really a crazy clown,
When will he learn he can never mow him down?
Poor little Road Runner never bothers anyone,
Just runnin' down the road's his idea of having fun.
If you're on the highway and Road Runner goes beep beep.
Just step aside or might end up in a heap.
Road Runner, Road Runner runs on the road all day.
Even the coyote can't make him change his ways.
Road Runner, the coyote's after you.
Road Runner, if he catches you you're through.
Road Runner, the coyote's after you.
Road Runner, if he catches you you're through.
That coyote is really a crazy clown,
When will he learn he can never mow him down?
Poor little Road Runner never bothers anyone,
Just runnin' down the road's his idea of having fun.
Labels: humor
posted by Jiru at
4:11 PM
July 17, 2010
Video: Colorectal Surgeon
Lyrics from this blog.
We praise the colorectal surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don't shine
Respect the colorectal surgeon
It's a calling few would crave
Lift up your hands and join us
Let's all do the finger wave
When it comes to spreading joy
There are many techniques
Some spread joy to the world
And others just spread cheeks
Some may think the cardiologist
Is their best friend
But the colorectal surgeon knows...
He'll get you in the end!
Why be a colorectal surgeon?
It's one of those mysterious things.
Is it because in that profession
There are always openings?
When I first met a colorectal surgeon
He did not quite understand;
I said, "Hey nice to meet you
But do you mind? We don't shake hands."
He sailed right through medical school
Because he was a whiz
Oh but he never thought of psychology
Though he read passages.
A doctor he wanted to be
For golf he loved to play,
But this is not quite what he meant...
By eighteen holes a day!
Praise the colorectal surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don't shine!
We praise the colorectal surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don't shine
Respect the colorectal surgeon
It's a calling few would crave
Lift up your hands and join us
Let's all do the finger wave
When it comes to spreading joy
There are many techniques
Some spread joy to the world
And others just spread cheeks
Some may think the cardiologist
Is their best friend
But the colorectal surgeon knows...
He'll get you in the end!
Why be a colorectal surgeon?
It's one of those mysterious things.
Is it because in that profession
There are always openings?
When I first met a colorectal surgeon
He did not quite understand;
I said, "Hey nice to meet you
But do you mind? We don't shake hands."
He sailed right through medical school
Because he was a whiz
Oh but he never thought of psychology
Though he read passages.
A doctor he wanted to be
For golf he loved to play,
But this is not quite what he meant...
By eighteen holes a day!
Praise the colorectal surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don't shine!
Labels: humor
posted by Jiru at
10:18 PM
